Facebook, social media addiction and sex
I am probably the last person on the planet who should complain about connectivity. I love the fact that my Blackberry allows me to keep in touch with everyone I need to at any time and I love the fact that Facebook and Twitter have created, for me, a window through which I get to interact directly with the readers of my books and blog.
But seeing how I have written about Facebook and relationships here before I am also aware that overt dependence on any technology is capable of having an impact on the quality of our lives. This is one reason why I make a point of unplugging on weekends and taking the time to simply be with friends and loved ones in an old-fashioned, pre-online connectivity way.
A recent study by Intel which quizzed a few thousand Americans showed that over 30% of those quizzed showed signs of compulsive behavior with their online Facebook and Twitter accounts which exhibited the classic signs of addiction. They would feel disconnected if they did not check in their account at least eight times a day, they would break off meetings, or a meal to check Twitter and the post-coital cigarette seems to have been replaced, in their lives, by the post-coital Tweet.
Even more worrying is a more recent, albeit informal, study carried out by Retrevo where seventeen per cent of those quizzed said they would take a Twitter or Facebook message during sex. The latter percentage seems to be higher in those under 25 (which is the connectivity generation) than their older counterparts, but it is seen in both social groups, nevertheless.
I will refrain, here, from casting aspersions about the quality of food or coitus which stacks them less favorably against Facebook and Twitter activity and I will say, instead, that it is a sign of a generation which is so plugged in that it is totally unaware of the importance of focusing on what’s important in terms of achieving quality in the moment.
If, for instance, there is a growing percentage of those growing up now who are prepared to stop sex to take a message or, even worse, take a message during sex, there is an indication that we are devaluing activities which, psychologically, are fundamental to our well being, to the point that they are seen as of little more importance or even necessity than, say, chewing gum.
A well-balanced relationship can never happen with individuals who themselves have not found the balance they need. It is, perhaps, too tempting to believe that technology is to blame here. Technology is merely a tool. The disconnect occurs because we let it, not because technology is here and to believe that should technology go away the quality of our sex lives and relationships would improve is a naïve thought at best.
If we really want to have quality in our lives and the relationships we form the work has to come from us and change must always be from the inside. It is harder but it’s the only thing which will really work.
