Is the recession pushing your relationship to breaking point?
A recent article in London Times highlighted how the credit crunch itself is producing redundancies, money worries and problems which are, in most cases, pushing relationships apart.
We have of course been there before. Those who remember the early 90s and the recession that bit back then will remember that two things happened: First couples suddenly could no longer afford to get divorced. So the divorce rate dropped and did not start to soar again until we hit the mid-90s and things started to look up. Second a lot of couples which might not have split up suddenly found their relationship on the rocks as money worries stirred up hidden tensions and brought them to the surface.
The truth is that when this happens it is rarely about money. Money worries are simply the catalyst that suddenly brings a new dynamic to the traditional balance in the relationship and the unsettling effect this has makes all the hidden resentments and suppressed issues boil over.
Funnily enough I have an entire section in chapter ten of my book, the Ultimate Guide to the Perfect Relationship, exactly because so many relationships are centred around this dynamic. It doesn’t mean that we get into a relationship for the money (and those who soon discover just how shallow this is) but money helps define boundaries. Will, for example, be a single bank account? Two separate ones? One which is common and then two separate ones? How will the spending be decided for common expenses and then how will it be decided for individual expenses? All of these questions help define the boundaries of the depth of a relationship and the degree of trust that exists between two people.
When things are going great and money is not a problem the convenient thing to do is ignore these issues and carry on. When the money flow begins to slow down however this no longer becomes possible and a couple are suddenly faced with the inevitable choice of having to confront issues they have avoided.
There is no easy answer to this problem. If you find that your relationship is hitting a low point because you are worrying about money you are faced with two stark choices: either handle it together, as a couple, or decide to handle it alone, as two individuals. If you choose the former the chances are that you will find your relationship getting stronger and stronger and you will find new horizons within each one and a new strength in your partnership as a couple. Choose the latter and, well, you are probably postponing a permanent split until things begin to look up.
