Alisa Miller, author, blogger and former model

The golfer, his wife and the alleged other woman (and what we can learn about relationships)

The ability we have,these days, to totally immerse ourselves in news and speculation as it happens has turned a minor car accident involving a Cadillac SUV and some scratches into a global game of speculation involving the world’s best known golfer, his wife and another woman.

Tiger Woods’ refusal to answer any more police questions regarding his minor accident is beginning to look like it was caused by a domestic argument with his former model wife, Elin Nordegren and golf clubs were involved as she was allegedly furious over public speculations of an affair he might be having.

Why is all this noteworthy? On the face of it because Woods is a public figure, Nordegren is the mother of his two children and if they, with their looks and fortune cannot work it out then there is little hope for the rest of us. The real reason however is more serious. Looks and fortune and who you are in public life have nothing to do with the issues you face in your relationship and if it’s true that Woods and party hostess Rachel Uchitel (the other woman) are having an affair, it will only highlight the fact that no relationship is bullet-proof unless both parties are totally committed to work to make it so.

Privately we do not know anything about Nordegren, Woods or Uchitel beyond the fact that they all look hot and this is the kind of tale which allows our imaginations to run wild. Their case, true or not however, allows us to examine how relationships work and draw some ‘guidelines’ regarding how they can best develop. What brings two people together may well be chiseled cheekbones and a good set of mammary glands but what keeps them together has to do with intelligence, understanding and the ability to communicate meaningfully at every level.

So if you are ready to give your relationship a health check answer the questions below truthfully (to yourself).

1. Do you look forward to seeing your partner again after being away from each other for just a few hours?
2. When you argue do you blame yourself or your partner?
3. When you argue are you willing to say anything to make up and make your partner feel better?
4. Do you talk about your plans and each other every day?
5. Do you work hard to find some alone time with your partner?
6. When you are away from your partner do you look at other people?
7. Do you sometimes wish you were single again?
8. Do you have a healthy, frequent, uncomplicated sex life with your partner?
9. Do you find that sharing even the simplest things together makes them feel special?
10. Do you feel as if each day you spend with your partner is a special kind of blessing?

That’s it. No scoring points, and no ‘right’ answers from me. But answer these ten questions honestly to yourself and you will begin to form a picture of your relationship that’s closer to the truth than the one you paint to outsiders.