Why violence is never an answer in any relationship
I’d like to think that we live in a totally civilized society where equality between the sexes has more or less been achieved and where relationships, irrespective of how bad they get, still revolve around a certain degree of mutual respect.
Yet as I write this, the world press is busy giving column inches to Chris Brown and Rihanna not for their respective talents but for their very public domestic violence incident which transformed two of the hottest, youngest names on the global music stage into victim and aggressor.
Newly released figures from the UK statistics office indicate that there is a case of domestic violence happening every five minutes of the day and that the incidence is both more widespread than officially suspected and under-reported.
I know you, like me, want to know why. Why does this happen still and why can’t we deal with it and eradicate it? The first question is, sadly, easier to understand than the second. Relationships are primal in nature. They release passions and stir up feelings which are part of the neurochemical bedrock of our past. Within that framework they also set an imbalance of power where violence and physical strength can be abused in order to establish control and a sense of superiority. While the roots of this are easy to trace the reasons for it in our modern world are more complex and they lie in the lack of self-esteem in men, the willingness of one partner to abuse power in order to establish dominance in a relationship which does not seem to be going their way. When this happens, all too often, women find themselves trapped in a relationship which only ever goes in a downward spiral.
This is made all the worse by the fact that most men who descend into abusive relationships, have themselves, experienced abuse in their family and have come to accept it as a natural way of life within the family. The solution is so difficult to implement that is indicates why the problem persists. In order to break the abuse cycle both partners need to understand where the boundaries lie and that differences notwithstanding there is a sanctity in the respect they must show one another. This takes strength of character to understand, particularly if, like so many victims of abuse in a relationship, one or both of the partners have experienced violence themselves and think it is an acceptable means of expression.
Like Chris Brown, they require professional help to help tem deal with their emotions and control their anger. They also need to accept the responsibility for their own change, at a personal level. It is only by taking this admittedly mature, considered, view that it becomes possible to break the cycle and begin to actually move onto a more civilized basis for forming a relationship.
Violence is never an answer and, within a relationship, it is totally inexcusable. The moment it happens a line has been crossed and to all intents and purposes, love has become a casualty along with self-respect, restraint and self-awareness. At the first sign of it, it is time to get out.
