Wine originated, apparently, around 8,000 years ago in the areas which are now Iran and Georgia and has, since become the de facto tool of seduction for men. This statement, of course, historical fact notwithstanding, is actually not quite as exploitative as it may sound.
While it’s true that alcohol is the lubricant mostly used to ease friction between the sexes and lead to that moment of consummation of passion between the sexes it’s hardly the kind of thing one drinks against their will, which leads to the interesting question of why is it used so much, by so many, so willingly?
On these pages, before, there has been at least one instance of a respondent writing in to express remorse at drunken antics. When drunk women have been known to get involved in anything from sex with strangers to sex with multiple partners at once. The interesting thing is that drinking in general and binge drinking in particular is used to ease the tension we feel when dealing with the opposite sex which obviously begs the question of why should we feel ‘tense’ when dealing with the opposite sex in the first place.
Welllll, here we are in the realm of forensic psychology and social anthropology so where can I begin to point my sharpened blade of erudite inquiry? The reasons we feel tense are a hodge-podge mix of misguided social mores, clang to by people who are afraid of change and too scared to admit it, and stone-age impulses battling with the demands made by our modern lifestyle.
Within that matrix of analysis we can see that some of the reasons why drinking features so heavily in our sexual behavior can be grouped under obvious headings:
We drink to hook up
We are afraid of rejection, unsure of ourselves and maybe, even, slightly guilty of a behavior more suited to a tree-swinging primate than a modern person living in the 21st century. Drink takes the edge off our desperation to hook up, dulls the pain of rejection (if we get rejected) and makes the fear and anxiety we face when thinking of the possibility of rejection, more manageable.
We drink to feel less guilty
Whether we like it or not we are all burdened by social expectations fostered upon us by various well-meaning social groups and interests. Sex, we are told, is wrong outside marriage. Casually engaging in it is ‘wrong’ behavior, and morally at the extreme edge of society’s acceptable conduct. Succumbing to the need to be with someone is in itself a struggle. When we have been conditioned to think of political correctness and equality, sexual conduct hardly seems to be something which we can engage in on a casual, wanton basis without feeling that somehow we are ‘failing’ some norm somewhere. All of these and any of them are feelings which get muted by a few strong drinks.
We drink to lose control
On any given day, in any given month and any given week we battle with instincts, feelings and emotions which we rarely get the chance to express. The rigid control we learn to impose at work, in the office and in the outside, social life, ill-prepares us for the moment when we want to lose a few of our inhibitions and have some fun and alcohol really tends to go a long way towards making this happen.
We drink so we have an excuse
If I had a dollar for each time I have sat and listened to a tearful friend telling me of a wild night’s encounter which has somehow gone wrong and which would have never happened had it not been for alcohol, I would be, right now, be penning this from the poolside terrace of my beach house in The Bahamas. Alcohol provides the perfect excuse for engaging in slightly questionable behavior and then shifting the blame for it onto someone else.
How much you drink on a first date is always going to be dependent upon what you are trying to do from the reasons listed here. I have had friends who drunk so much that the day after the night before was a partially recalled mosaic of half-remembered fragments and they often had to ask friends to help reconstruct the events of the night before. I also have friends who will drink a glass or two because they like the taste and is sociable but will draw the line at having any more, no matter the occasion.
Like most activities which tend to strip us of our control and reveal a little of the person below the amount of drinking we do will depend upon the image we have of ourselves and the degree of confidence we have in our ability to fit in the world and cope with its challenges. Drink and drugs are a coping mechanism. Totally unnecessary when we know who we are, badly (and perhaps sadly) needed when we are no longer sure.
Drinking on the first date? By all means but make sure that you at least know why you do it and then, perhaps, you will also be able to control how much. Like everything we take which modifies our behavior the trick is to control it rather than let it control us and stay, always, within that fine defining line which keeps us anchored in our world.
Alisa Miller is the author of the best-selling Ultimate Guide to the Perfect Relationship her articles on love, sex and relationships appear on many websites and online and print magazines. She maintains a profile on Amazon. Her latest book, How to Talk to a Girl you LIke has been released worldwide as an eBook. Feel free to link to this article. If you would like to discuss content for your magazine or website contact Alisa.
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I think if a person is out scoring will not care how much you drink, you're out for one thing to get laid. Who knows each their own right?