 A recent article in Oregon Local News highlighted how intermarriage between Native Americans and Caucasian women is now threatening the viability of many Native American tribes.
The article caught my attention because I am already engaged to give a talk on the changing face of our society because of intermarriage. No one, it seems is quite content to marry within their social group any more. White guys want to marry Asian girls (preferably Thai girls) or seek relationships with girls from Russia, Ukraine and Eastern Europe. Black guys want to marry white women. Asians want to marry blue-eyed blondes. Indians are after European women and European men seem to be looking for partners almost anywhere but near to home.
Technology seems to have helped accelerate the process with many people going online looking for romance. This has made the world smaller and the options greater and it obviously begs the question why. Why do so many men seem to look for partners further afield and why do so many women for that matter too?
Before we get into the realms of philosophy and start to discuss issues such as the genetic push for intermingling of the gene pool (a drive which in the past was answered by war, forced migration and upheaval) it would do perhaps to examine the basics such as our almost innate desire for the exotic and the unusual.
Before the Berlin wall came down, those looking for a partner outside their own social circle had to resort to male-order brides and agencies which put them in touch with women from Thailand, The Philippines and South America. Argentina, Peru and Mexico were then, the flavor of the day for US men. American women felt more comfortable looking for partners in Australia and the UK and UK men looked to their former colonies ranging from Sri Lanka, India and Thailand to Pakistan the Seychelles.
When the Berlin wall collapsed there was an influx of women from former Soviet satellite states and countries. Women from Albania and the former Yugoslavia, for instance, flooded into Greece, Germany and Italy. Women from Poland came to the UK and women from the former Czech republic, Hungary and Slovenia seemed to travel all over Europe and the US.
Add to this the sudden influx of young women from Russia, when the Iron Curtain became more porous and suddenly intermarriage seems to be the norm. The problem is that marrying outside your social group has some attending challenges. There can, for instance, be issues of culture, religious beliefs, a language barrier and even different expectations based upon education and different perceptions of what is acceptable.
One of my best friends, for instance, in a slight role reversal is married to a young Russian, former ballet dancer, who hails from Siberia. His insistence of swimming all year round, irrespective of the weather has been just one of the cultural differences they have had to overcome. The difficulties, I can imagine, become all the more magnified when issues of race or ethnicity crop up and make it difficult not just for the partners involved in the relationship but also for their extended family and friends.
From a biological point of view mixing bloodlines is a necessity. Love, also knows no boundaries. If it happens it happens and you need to follow its call no matter what the challenges involved.
We are living, these days, in two worlds. One is online, cultures, races and nationalities mix and interact readily, freely exchanging ideas and often forming relationships. The other is offline which is still more rigid and resistant to change. The boundary between these two worlds is becoming increasingly porous. Online relationships, even when they happen across national lines or different ethnic backgrounds and different cultural groups, frequently spill into real life.
Are there guidelines for dealing with a mixed race or mixed ethnic background relationship? Yes, there are. Broadly speaking you should:
Always communicate as openly as possible with your partner – this is important in any relationship but in a relationship where ethnic backgrounds and cultures are not shared the possibilities for misunderstandings are even greater.
Establish clear, common ground – it is important for any mixed couple to have a common ‘language’. From commonly shared experiences which help establish a bond between them to common likes and dislikes which make them a couple against the outside world.
Decide how you will resolve differences when they occur – research shows that couples in mixed relationships, when they argue, tend to feel more isolated and alone than, shall we say, more conventional couples. This makes it important to have worked out, beforehand, a way of dealing with arguments and or reconciling differences which is acceptable to both. Failure to do that will only lead to the forming of distance between them and more and more arguments which then becomes a self-perpetuating pattern of behavior.
Be honest with yourself – the number of times I have seen relationships break up because neither partner lived up to the ‘exotic’ image each had formed in their heads of the other, are too many to mention. The fact is that love takes place in the head as much as in the heart. We often build up an ideal picture of the person we fall in love with and then have to deal with its reality which is always a little different. Honesty with oneself is the primary place to start to resolve this and it can often help avoid much heartbreak later on.
For better or worse we live in interesting times. Our world is changing, traditional boundaries are being eroded. What the future will really be like is hard to tell, the fact is however that we are living it right now. We are all part of it and the journey is every bit as exciting as the destination.
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