Sun

22

Nov

2009

The fantasy land we want to live in and our relationships
4 readers recommended
World of Warcraft gaming has often been cited as a reason for divorce.A great relationship between two people (irrespective of their sex) has the ability to provide them with shelter from the world, give them a place to develop and grow and offer them the space they need in order to understand themselves better, develop their characters, find respite from the pressures of life and recharge their batteries.

A relationship which really works, in other words, builds up and heals far more than it wears out and destroys. This much is obvious, so why mention it here? Because, as we enter the 21st century and as games like Uncharted 2: Amongst Thieves, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 and World of Warcraft have made the switch from digital entertainment to virtual social life and virtual reality with some very real, offline impact.

With more than 12 million people playing, each month, War of Warcraft and Uncharted 2 the amount of time invested in the game and in developing the skills, experience and expertise of virtual characters has led to the break-up of relationships with so-called War of Warcraft widows (and widowers I guess) and wives and girlfriends giving up in disgust at the realization that time which could have been spent together is given up by their partner in order for them to play in an environment which is not even real.

There are many issues worth exploring here and they range from the integration of digital technology and virtual reality in our daily lives to the possibility that many relationships fail to provide the necessary feeling of a ‘safe harbor’ and end-up instead being another adjunct to our social-climbing with the result to feel the need to seek some kind of escape.

It is this issue I want to focus on right now however. We all feel the need to find some escape in our lives. A place which allows us to indulge without having to prove ourselves or be responsible in any way beyond what the moment requires. At some level this tends to drive the need to seek alcohol or drugs or high-adrenaline sports or  raves. Within these environments our personality is subsumed into a larger whole where we feel that whether we ‘win’ or ‘lose’ we cannot fail – we will not be letting anyone down, we will not be losing face and our win or loss can become part of a larger, developmental curve experience.

Ideally, that’s the role of a relationship with someone you love. Within the boundaries created by that love there should be room for development, experimentation, mistakes, forgiveness and solace. A relationship which works the way it should provides exactly this for both partners allowing each of them to find the source of strength they need to grow in themselves and, in the process, bond tighter together, forming a united front against the outside world.

The moment this is not the case you have a choice which consists either of staying put and bearing it (because you are trapped) or moving on, no matter how painful it is. Those who choose the former option still need an outlet which is why they choose to submerge themselves in the social experience of intense online gaming, which is why it has become such a worldwide social phenomenon with a verified impact on relationships.

As the 21st century is beginning to mature and technology is becoming an integral part of our lives we begin to see that the answers still lie where they have always been: deep within us. Unless we change nothing changes. Unless we make decisions to do things, nothing happens. We are, ultimately, each responsible for our own happiness and that of those who are closest to us and it is from there that we should begin to grow and change. 
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Comments (3)

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I am a madden head. I love football, I love sports videogames, a perfect merger.

My Gf hates that madden takes away from our lives.

I ask her, is she interested in learning football, so that she knows what's happening when I'm watching.

She replies no.

Men like sports, videogames and the internet as forms of ENTERTAINMENT. If the woman was available to join in on or provide entertainment, they wouldn't need or have time for Madden, Warcraft or any other game. Add to the fact that most women aren't even interested in sports or videogames. If the woman is not willing to partake in the man's interests, she will always feel left out!

Men don't ask for a woman's attention when she is watching Lifetime, on Facebook or when she is talking on the phone because he respects her space. Why can't women do the same?

I would love to hear some answers!
Willz , November 25, 2009
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About as far as I have taken a fantasy was with a romance novel by Roseann Bittner. Setting were real and the the facts on the people made it feel u were right there. One the above I think guys tend to lean toward this type of fantasy world so they do not have to deal with real life crisis.
Doris , November 25, 2009
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Doris, men and women are different. While women are looking to escape from the world, men are just looking for entertainment. Men are simple.
Willz , November 30, 2009

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